Friday, July 14, 2006

THE WORST NOVEL OPENING LINE CONTEST

Every year San Jose State University holds its Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (also called "It was a dark and stormy night" contest) for the worst opening line for a novel. This year's winner was penned by Jim Guigli from Carmichael CA. It reads:
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Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean.
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If you'd like to see some of the other entries go to: http://www.sjsu.edu/depts/english/2006.htm

3 comments:

dink said...

Dear ol' S.J.State (my alma mater)

sigh

I think this is a great first line --funny as hell, strong creative metaphors, it would definitely keep me reading. :-D

The real worst first line appears in the worst book --a bestseller, made into a movie with big stars.

I don't care, it's still the worst book ever with the worst first line. IMO, of course (apparently bajillions of peeps disagree).

wanna guess?

Anonymous said...

That's absolutely hilarious! Thanks for pointing it out and giving me a good laugh today -- I needed it.

On another topic, whatever happened to James Kosub? I wanted to submit some stories to Fish-End Press (found on www.ralan.com), but both the website and his blog are gone. I read in your archives that you had solved the mystery and pointed us in the right direction, but none of the links are valid anymore. This isn't life or death; I'm just curious.

Christopher55 said...

Dink: Hmmm... daaa...I wonder what "bestseller: you could possibly be talking about? Hmmm...daaa...

Anon: Have no idea what happened to Kosub, He said "people" were out to get him and ... who knows?