STRESS RELIEF
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The aches and knots in my body had reached the point where I was having trouble sleeping. I decided it was time to schedule a massage appointment. I used to go regularly (about once a month or so). I went to the same massage therapist named Linda. Always felt better afterwords. Then Linda moved away. Went a couple times to her replacement but it wasn't the same. Tried a couple other therapists. One was okay but the other wasn't. At $60 an hour -- okay doesn't cut it. I pretty much stopped going.

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The other day I decided it was time to try again. I went to the local Internet pages. Found a place not too far away (10 minutes drive time) that specialized in Tuina Chinese massage. I've always done Swedish (okay, I did deep tissue a couple of times and it nearly killed me.) The spa also advertised a free table shower for the first visit. No idea what that was. Anyway, I called and made an appointment.

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I arrived. Spa was clean and neat. Always a good sign. I met Cindy who would be my therapist. (She weighed, I guess, between 90 to 100 pounds. This will be important later.) I went into the room and undressed. Wrapped the towel around me and laid face down as instructed. This was new. In all my Swedish massages, I began face-up. Cindy asked if I had any trouble spots. Shoulders and lower back, I replied. She began. She used her thumbs and palms more than I was used to but the knots began to pop. She also used her forearms. Felt good.

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Then it got strange. At least for me. As she began kneading my lower back and hips, she climbed onto the table. Never had a therapist do that before. Then she was straddling me. Okay, now I was getting nervous. She worked on my back and butt for a while then she moved on top of me. I could feel her knees kneading my butt. Then she stood up and worked on my butt and higher with her feet and full body weight. The tension began to melt away. Soon after, she was down and had me roll over. Now, for the first time, I noticed a set of bars stretching across the room, over the table, near the ceiling. She must've been holding onto them as she stood on me. Anyway, she worked on my legs, hips, and chest then finished with a facial massage. I was in the zone. Felt terrific.

*

Cindy, while looking away, gave me a large towel to wrap myself in. After I did, I followed her to the Jacuzzi table shower room. There I discovered what a table shower was. I laid down face first in a large shower tub. I was rinsed with warm-hot water then lightly scrubbed with Dove soap and rinsed off. Then she turned me turn over. Nothing inappropriate occurred. But this was totally different than any massage I'd ever had before. Whoa. When I left, I felt rejuvenated. Knots and tension was gone. I think I'll be going to see Cindy again. Next month at the earliest. Can't afford $60 an hour plus tip too often.

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P.S. -- When I talked to my nephew, Brian, about going to a Chinese massage spa, he made a joke and said, "No happy endings, Uncle Chris." I must be getting older or I stepped off the slang train at some point. I didn't get it. Then I did. Oh, geez. All I wanted was a massage to relieve the tension and knots in my body. I've never used the services of a "hooker" in my life and I don't intend to start now. Note to Bri-guy: my massage had a happy ending but not that happy ending. I'm still pure. Okay, I'm not pure but in that area ... ah, hell, forget this tangent.