HOLLYWOOD URBAN LEGENDS

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I've always enjoyed these stories and wondered how they got started in the first place. Anyway, over at JoBlo.com (http://www.joblo.com/index.php?id=16946) they've listed the Top Ten Most Enduring (I guess) urban legends from Hollywood. Stuff like sexual images in Disney cartoons, that the actors in The Blair Witch Project are still missing, that Brandon Lee's accidential death in The Crow was filmed and is shown in the released film, and in the background of the Yellow Brick Road scene in The Wizard of Oz a midget (or is it "little person" to be P.C.?) is seen hanging himself. I read one, however, that I'd never heard before. Jamie Lee Curtis was born with both sets of sexual organs. Huh? Oh-kay. I guess the only thing to say about that is to repeat the closing line from Some Like It Hot (which starred Jamie Lee's papa.)"Nobody's perfect."

ACTION MOVIE CLICHES

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Check out the article at MovieFone (http://movies.aol.com/worst-movie-cliches/action) about the worst and most-overused cliches in action movies. It's fun.

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Three of my favorites are: 1) when the hero dashes across an open field and the bad guys can't hit him when firing about a 100 rounds at him 2) when every blow to the head of a bad guy (usually a guard) knocks him instantly out -- just once I'd to see the bad guy grab the back of his head and start screaming in pain 3) when a group of bad guys jump the hero to beat him up and attack one-at-a-time -- that must be in the Bad Guy Etiquette Handbook.

EASTWOOD & WESTERNS
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I’m working on a new project. Part of the research has been watching westerns. (I know, a tough job but it has to be done.) Among current actors Tom Selleck, Sam Elliott, Robert Duvall, and Kevin Costner all do well in the genre. Heck, these men probably were cowboys in their past lives. The superstar among the still-making-movies group, however, is Eastwood. He cut his acting teeth as Rowdy Yates on the 50’s TV series Rawhide. He also made a few unremembered westerns in his youth as well as films like Francis (the Talking Mule) Joins the Navy. But Eastwood’s career took a giant leap in the mid-Sixties. He went to Italy and made a low-budget western with a guy named Sergio Leone called A Fistful of Dollars. Since then he’s been in nine more westerns and one of them won the Best Picture and Best Director Oscars. Here’s the list (The Beguiled, Paint Your Wagon and Coogan’s Bluff are not westerns really … two of them may take place in the general historical time period but they are not part of the genre. TB is a Civil War moody something and PYW is a bad musical. CB is a modern day western with a cowboy-goes-to-the-city scenario that is better in idea than in execution. The film just doesn’t hold up after all this time .)

Anyway, here’s the Eastwood western list:

A Fistful of Dollars
For a Few Dollars More
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Hang ‘em High
Two Mules for Sister Sara
Joe Kidd
High Plains Drifter
The Outlaw Josey Wales
Pale Rider
Unforgiven


Unforgiven won the awards and may be Eastwood’s last word on the genre (I hope not but then I hope they'll continue Deadwood, too, over at HBO). The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly holds the Number One spot on the IMDb viewers best western list. For me, The Outlaw Josey Wales is my favorite Eastwood western. Even with Sondra Locke in it, the movie is just totally cool.

Josey Wales: When I get to likin' someone, they ain't around long.

Lone Watie (played by the great Chief Dan George): I notice when you get to DISlikin' someone they ain't around for long neither.

Josey Wales: Dyin' ain't much of a livin', boy.

Yep …

THE GREATEST SEX SCENES IN MOVIE HISTORY

PART 2

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I reviewed their list. 50 movies, 50 incredible sex scenes. Uhhh ... I hadn't seen most of the films listed. They were mainstream films by the way. Several I had seen but didn't recall them being especially memorable. On their list I only noted six (yeah, a measly half dozen) that I thought were unique and involving. Here's the six:

35. Network

Faye Dunaway and William Holden are doing the deed (as they used to say) and Dunaway talks about her job in TV programming the entire time.

24. The Cooler

When sad-guy loser William Macy makes love to Maria Bello its erotic and touching.

17. Body Heat

William Hurt throws the chair through the window and the passion explodes between him and Kathleen Turner. Oh, yeah.

10. Young Frankenstein

Never considered this movie erotic before. It's definitely one of the funniest films ever made. But, I guess, when Madeline Kahn submits to the lust of Peter Boyle's monster and goes from fear to orgasmic singing is erotic. Nah, it's just funny.

8. Secretary

The only movie I figured would be on the list and was. I'm not talking about this one.

2. A History of Violence

The IFC writers thought the angry sex on the stairs was the pivotal sex scene. I prefered the earlier one when Viggo Mortsensen and Maria Bello made "love" to each other after Maria seduced him by wearing her old cheerleader outfit. Sidebar: this was the only movie in my six where the lovers were also husband and wife.

THE GREATEST SEX SCENES IN MOVIE HISTORY

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Okay, now that I have your attention. IFC has listed what their writers feel are the "50" greatest sex scenes in cinema history at http://www.ifc.com/news/article?aId=20710. I haven't read the list yet but I will. Off the top of my head, I would include the "Wall of Jericho" scene in It Happened One Night, the "take it slow" scene from The American President, and (don't tell anyone) a couple of scenes from Secretary. My full report will come later when I can give my undivided attention to this IFC article that it deserves.

FUN VISIT

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My friend, Melanie, passed through town the other day. I had dinner with her, her brother, step-daughter, and two nephews. It was fun. But the visit wasn't long enough.

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She'll be back through town in two weeks and I'm hoping we will be able to work out a longer visit. We'll see.

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Mel told me that she reads this blog and asked me if she was ever going to see her name on it sometime. So here it is:

MELANIE

DEADWOOD’S REAL CHARCTERS
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I was completely hooked on HBO’s Deadwood series. (Listen up, HBO, you’d better finish up the series with the movies you promised or, better yet, bring the show back. I'm thinking about cancelling my subscription to your service. Geez, no Deadwood, no Sopranos, no Rome...)
Anyway, I knew the Black Hills Gold Rush had really happened and Deadwood was the main town in the area. I knew that Wild Bill Hickok, Calamity Jane, George Hearst, Wyatt and Morgan Earp, Charlie Utter and Jack McCall were real people. I wondered about some of the other characters. Which characters were based on real people and which ones were fictional? So I “googled” Deadwood and below are a list of the series characters who were based on real folks. Oh, yeah, I’m sure liberties were taken in their portrayals.

Seth Bullock
Al Swearengen
Sol Star
Dan Dority (spelled Doherty in real life)
E.B. Farnum
Albert Merrick
Johnny Burns
Martha Bullock
Tom Nuttall
Reverend Henry Weston Smith
Aunt Lou Marchbanks
Jack Langrishe
“Nigger General” Samuel Fields
Con Stapleton

Trixie is "trickier". There were several prositutes in Deadwood that used that name. One even shot a man through the head who lived ... for a short while. (remember the opening show of the series -- that shooting was how Trixie was introduced.)

I miss this show. But I have all three seasons on DVD. {big grin}

CLOVERFIELD ... Huh?
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Only this artwork has been released by J.J. Abrams (Lost, Alias, Mission Impossible III, and the new Star Trek movie) about his newest film. Not even the name has been released. It's being called "Cloverfield" which is the street where Abrams's office is located. Basic premise: A group of people who witness a monster attack on New York City. More soon. Or maybe not.

Cultural Moment

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Every once in a while I get the overwhelming urge to quote Shakespeare. So here goes, from Macbeth:

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Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage

And then is heard no more:

it is a tale

Told by an idiot,

full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing.

HISTORICAL TIDBITS

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Teddy Roosevelt has always been a fascinating historical person to me. Learned a couple of new tidbits the other day. Teddy was on the Harvard boxing team, a brown belt in Judo, and one of his lifelong friends, who he met during his western sojourns, was Seth Bullock (yep, the character from the Deadwood series was based on a real person). Bullock was a member of Teddy's Rough Riders. He was a captain but his unit never left the states.

(That's Bullock with Teddy above.)

WEIRD CAT TALE

(okay, are there any other kind of cat stories?)

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Oscar (pictured above) is a two-year-old cat who lives at a convalescent hospital in Rhode Island. It seems, according to the news, that Oscar can predict who is going to die at the hospital. He roams the hospital corridors at night as if on rounds. And sometimes he enters a room and curls next to a patient. Approximately 4 hours after he leaves the patient passes away. The staff claims he has predicted 25 deaths and that they now call the family of patients that he lays down next to. This has been reported on MSNBC and other news outlets. Hmmm... I wonder what happens when he curls up next to a staff member?

Me and my Muse

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We're working hard on the details for a new story.

(Photo by Annie)

79 Best Pictures

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This is a fun blog worth checking out: http://79bestpictures.blogspot.com/. Two writers (Shira and Eitan) have decided to watch and review every Best Picture Oscar winner since the beginning in chronological order starting with 1928's Wings, to 2006's The Departed.

It's interesting to get their critiques to these films ranging from classic to the-years-haven't-been-kind to what-was-the-Academy-thinking.

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(Photo: bridge in Minnesota taken by Annie)

CHARLES BRONSON (1921-2003)

Bronson has always been one of my favorite action stars. He did a lot of guest spots on TV series and some really crappy (and I mean crappy) movies but there was something about him that I always liked. Listed below (by date) are my ten favorite Bronson movies. Not all are great movies but a few are. In fact, The Magnificent Seven is one of my all-time favorite films.

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1. Death Hunt (1981)
2. Hard Times (1975)
3. Death Wish (1974)
4. The Mechanic (1972)
5. Red Sun (1971)
6. Once Upon a Time in the West (1968)
7. The Dirty Dozen (1967)
8. The Great Escape (1963)
9. The Magnificent Seven (1960)
10. House of Wax (1953)

I'VE BEEN TAGGED

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I was checking out HvD's site (http://vondarkmoor.blogspot.com/) and I got tagged. Listed below are the last six books I've purchased. I have no idea what it says about me. They are listed in alphabetical order by author:

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Metered Space by M.D. Benoit (scifi)

Stardust by Neil Gaiman (fantasy)

Final Exits: The Illustrated Encyclopedia of How We Die by Michael Largo (nonfiction)

Devil's Knot by Mara Leveritt (nonfiction -- crime)

The Ruins by Scott Smith (thriller)

Death Game by Cheryl Swanson (thriller)

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Okay, now you're tagged.

QUOTE FOR THE DAY

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"The bottom is loaded with nice people, Albert. Only cream and bastards rise."

from Harper, screenplay by William Goldman

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(Another view from the house. Taken by Annie.)

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

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Who was the first person to see an egg drop out of a chicken’s butt and think it would be good to eat?

(View from outside my house. Taken by Annie.)

THE WILHELM SCREAM

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It is probably the most famous scream in film. In countless movies since the early 1950s (mostly in westerns but not exclusively), many dying characters cried out the same scream before they perished. The first film to use the "Wilhelm Scream" was Warner Brothers' Distant Drums (1951) starring Gary Cooper. A soldier cries out the WS when an alligator grabs him.

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It was used again in the 1953 western The Charge at Feather River. Private Wilhelm (pictured) cries out the WS when shot with an arrow. The WS went on to be used in other Warner Brothers movies and television shows. Then it slowly faded from use.

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Then, in 1977, Ben Burtt was hired to create sound effects for Star Wars. While researching sound elements to use in the space adventure, he found the original Distant Drums scream - which he called "Wilhelm" after the character in Charge at Feather River. (The Distant Drums character had no name.) Burtt included the WS in all the Star Wars and Indiana Jones films. And the WS began its second life. It has been used in countless other movies including Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean, Kill Bill, Toy Story and Beauty and the Beast. Last count, according to the Hollywood Lost & Found site (http://www.hollywoodlostandfound.net/), said that the WS had been used in 138 movies.

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A Wilhelm Scream highlight short is now on You Tube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdbYsoEasio). Check it out.

WORST MOVIE REMAKES

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Over on the Reel Fanatic website (http://reelfanatic.blogspot.com/), Keith Demko has listed his choices for the worst movie remakes. I don't disagree with any of his choices so I thought I just add six more to the list:

The Bad News Bears -- while I haven't seen the Walter Matthau/Jodie Foster version in quite a long time, I know it was much, much better than this Billy Bob Thornton crap

The Longest Yard -- the Burt Reynolds original was fun and Reynolds used to play football, Adam Sandler is miscast and not a bit funny (okay, he never has been funny is anything)

Never Say Never Again -- Thunderball isn't one of my favorite Bond films but this remake (even with Connery as Bond) is lame

King Kong -- does anyone remember the 1976 remake of Kong with Jessica Lange? Didn't think so. It's really bad.

Payback -- Mel Gibson's loosy remake of a totally cool Lee Marvin film.

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Check out Keith's list for what are probably the worst remakes ever.

SHOOTER

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Just finished watching Shooter with Mark Wahlberg and Danny Glover. There was a decent little movie in there trying to get out. I've read some of Stephen Hunter's novels (not bad) but I haven't read Point of Impact on which this was based so I don't know if they messed up the book or not. I know that some things that work in novels won't work on film and vice versa. I liked the Wahlberg character (despite having the name Swagger) and the FBI rookie was done well. But just about everybody else was a cliche or underwritten. I love a good shoot 'em-up but I have a problem when the hero dashes several hundred yards across open ground and 24 soldiers can't hit him. Also it's time to stop forever using the scene when the hero is walking toward the camera and a fireball the size of Texas erupts behind them. There was one really cool scene -- Wahlberg is getting some information about weapons and assassinations from an old-time gunsmith. It was intriguing and a bit unique. If only the movie had been more like that one sequence then the movie would have been unique and different. Oh, well. All I can hope for is that the new Die Hard is cool (The first is one of my favorite action films). And that it's still in the theatre when I get a chance to go.

WRITING NEWS

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Some news on the writing front. My latest review column is up at Dred (http://www.dredtales.com/). Check it out. The films this time are 1408, The Breed, and Creep.

My nonfiction articles "The Top Ten Movies in Outer Space" and "A Short History of Firsts in Television" will soon be appearing at Bewildering Stories (http://www.bewilderingstories.com/)

and

my science fiction tale, "Jimmy Wingo," has just been accepted by MagusZine (http://www.maguspress.com/)

(Annie took the picture above in Minnesota -- farmers were burning dry bush)

OH, JEEZ

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The other day, as I finished running several errands, I decided to pick up some lunch. There was a Taco Bell on the corner up ahead and, suddenly a burrito sounded good. I went in and placed my order with the sixteen-year-old counter girl. I was given my receipt and I stepped back to wait for my burritos. As I'm waiting, I glance at the receipt and...

the counter girl had given me the Senior Citizen discount!

Don't know what to say except "when I wasn't paying attention I turned old." Oh, jeez.

WHAT'S YOUR BLUES NAME?
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Stumbled across this the other day. Thought it was kinda fun. I'm Peg-Leg Harp Davis. Hmmm... liked it a little better when I reversed my initials and became Sticky Foot Davis. That sounds like a blues man.

MOVIES FOR THE 4th OF JULY

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Looking for a movie to watch on the 4th? Here are some suggestions:

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1776 (yeah, it's a musical)

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (one of my all-time favorites)

Apollo 13 (true story -- solid filmmaking)

The Patroit (a rip-roaring let's-take-on-the-British-for-freedom movie)

Independence Day (a no-brainer scifi popcorn flick that's fun)

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(I'm still trying to get back into my old writing routine)

OKAY...(said real slow)

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I'm at work yesterday. One of our shift supervisors is clocking out. She tells me that she is headed for her college "Statistics" class and that she's having a tough time with it. I smile and reply, "Remember what Mark Twain said: 'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics." She gives me a blank look and says, "Who is Mark Twain?" I pause for a moment. "He wrote Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn." The blank look remains. She has no idea who I am talking about. Some days I feel really old, some days I feel like I am totally out of touch with "younger" people. {I'm also trying to figure out when I started calling them "younger people."} Anyway, some days I feel both. Yesterday was one of them.

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I know that most would have no idea who J.D. Salinger or Harper Lee or Edgar Allan Poe are. I do hope that they still know who Dr. Seuss, S.E. Hinton, and Stephen King are but I'm afraid to ask. I feel like a dinosaur.

NICE LETTER

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Okay, it was actually an email not a "letter." Still it was nice. Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine is putting together their first "Best of" anthology and want to include my short story, "Death And...", which appeared in the magazine in Autumn 2003. Very cool.

A GOOD DAY

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It was a good day today. I helped my nephew move the last of his stuff into his new home. (I missed helping move the really heavy stuff. That happened on Saturday.) He is a first-time home buyer and it's all very cool.

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When I got home, there were three messages on my answering machine. The first was from an old friend who had gotten word that I'd been trying to contact her. I called back and we got the chance to talk for a little while. It was really cool. I hope we get the chance to catch up more later in the week.

Mel, in case you're reading this blog -- this pix is a few years old. It's the only one I have on the computer. I had it taken for my first book. The hair's a little grayer and shorter. I currently have a goatee to go with the mustache. And, as I said on the phone, I have about twenty extra pounds that I don't need. If you go to the Amazon.com website and punch in my name, you'll find my novels listed. Rebel Nation has some really nice reviews.

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Sometimes friends slip away over the course of time. There are many reasons this happens. But the separation does not mean they are forgotten. And, sometimes if the stars are in alignment, the friends reconnect and the friendship begins again.

NEW WORD FOR THE DAY

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muffin-top: the roll of flesh that pokes out over the top of your pants

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NEW MOVIE COMING THIS SUMMER

(looks cool and it's not a sequel)

Stardust

http://www.stardustmovie.com/site.htm

BEST MOVIE VILLAINS FROM THE 1980’s
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There’s an article from the L.A. Times where actor Michael Rosenbaum (Lex Luther on Smallville) picked his favorite villains from the 1980’s (http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/movies/la-spinoffs-sevens-80svillains26apr26,1,2696273.htmlstory?ctrack=2&cset=true). A great bad guy/gal makes a better movie so here’s my list of favorite villains from the 1980’s. {I decided that the villains had to be human or, at least, partially human so the Queen from Aliens, the creature from The Thing, and the ghosts from Poltergeist are not included.}

10) Ace Merrill (Kiefer Sutherland – 1986 – Stand By Me)
9) Katharine Parker (Sigourney Weaver – 1988 – Working Girl)
8) Al Capone (Robert De Niro – 1987 – The Untouchables)
7) Frank Booth (Dennis Hopper – 1986 – Blue Velvet)
6) The Terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger – 1984 – The Terminator)
5) Alex Forrest (Glenn Close – 1987 – Fatal Attraction)
4) Khan (Ricardo Montalban – 1982 – Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan)
3) Belloq (Paul Freeman – 1981 – Raiders of the Lost Ark)
2) Darth Vader (David Prowse/James Earl Jones -- 1980 – The Empire Strikes Back)
1) Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman – 1988 – Die Hard)

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I know I’ve forgotten some good ones.

THAT'S ME...

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Yep, there I am be-bopping-along as I take a week off from work. My plan is to go through my mother's belongings and household furnishings. I will save some, sell some, donate some, and trash the rest. Then I'll paint and clean. Piece of cake.

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*

I didn't see the sign. I didn't know what I was getting into. The house is a disaster and I've only cleaned out half of the master bedroom. Two dressers with every drawer jammed full. A full closet. Boxes packed under the bed. I have found items that belonged to every member of the family -- my mother, my father, Gary (mom's second husband, both sets of grandparents, all my aunts and uncles and a few cousins. There are old bank statements, Christmas cards, birthday cards, old speeding tickets. My mother "saved" everything. Why? Why, mom? Old plastic keychains from the Goldstrike Casino aren't worth anything. Old batteries. Flashlights (over a dozen and none with batteries.) Old, beat-up Thomas Guide roadmaps.

MOVIE STARS IN HORROR FILMS
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Once upon a midnight, horror films were movies for actors to either begin their careers in or finish their careers. A few actors such as Vincent Price, Boris Karloff, Bruce Campbell, and Lance Henriksen have created followings in their horror ventures. Now it appears that horror movies have become mainstream for successful actors. The Reaping starring Hillary Swank, The Skeleton Key with Kate Hudson, Dark Water with Jennifer Connelly and The Others with Nicole Kidman are a few examples.

Below are horror titles with major stars (although some weren’t when they played their role):

Kevin Bacon – Friday the 13th, Tremors, Stir of Echoes
Jennifer Connelly – Phenomena
Johnny Depp – Nightmare on Elm Street
Tom Hanks – He Knows You’re Alone
Samuel L. Jackson – Deep Blue Sea
Clint Eastwood – Revenge of the Creature, Tarantula (both roles uncredited)
Demi Moore – Parasite
Jack Nicholson – The Shining, The Terror, The Raven, Little Shop of Horrors
Kurt Russell – John Carpenter’s The Thing
Meg Ryan – Amityville 3-D
Kiefer Sutherland – The Lost Boys
Hillary Swank – Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Renee Zellweger – Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre

CHILDREN OF MEN
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One of the movies that opened last holiday season that I really wanted to see and didn’t get a chance to was Children of Men.

It is a science-fiction tale set on Earth and not in space. The storyline is that no human births have occurred for 18 years. Clive Owen, Julianne Moore, and Michael Caine are the stars. Alfonso Cuaron who directed Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkabon is the director and one of the screenwriters. The story was based on a novel by mystery writer P.D. James. The film received solid reviews. On the mega-critic site it averaged an 84. It was compared to the classic Blade Runner. My kind of movie.

The week it was released on DVD I picked up a copy at Blockbuster.

Now I’ve seen it. This movie sucked with the force of a hurricane. I have to wonder if the people who are raving about it saw the same film I did. I should have had a clue when there were five screenwriters listed. That is usually a bad sign. It was again. Maybe the fact that the movie has a “message” means the critics have to like it or they are unworthy. The world setting makes no sense. Info is tossed out with no explanations. The symbolism is so heavy-handed that it is laughable. Let’s see (a few examples): Owen’s character is named Theo which means, “divine gift” and the pregnant woman is named Kee which needs no explanation. Theo is wounded in the hand, foot and side. Wonder what symbolism that represents? And the final scene is so lame that it could have only been saved by having the song “Tomorrow” from Annie being sung. The imprisonment of illegal aliens is an intriguing idea but not as presented here. I could go on but there’s no point. Very few science-fiction films (not sci-fi and there is a difference) are made and this movie is one of the reasons why.

In the style of Children of Men, my review of this film would be summed up by the picture of a bull in a field and the animal is taking a dump.

REST IN PEACE

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Bob Clark, writer-director of A Christmas Story and Porky's, was killed along with his son early Wednesday morning on Pacific Coast Highway when a drunk driver verved into his lane and hit Mr. Clark's car head-on.

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Donald Hamilton, author of the hardboiled Matt Helm novels which several were made into very lame Dean Martin movies, passed away in Sweden. He was 90. Mr. Hamilton also wrote the novel, The Big Country, which became a William Wyler film starring Gregory Peck and Charlton Heston.

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Rest in peace, gentlemen.

WORKING ON MY REVIEWS

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I write a movie review column for Dred (http://www.dredtales.com/). The films I review are horror and suspense. The column needs to be to Editor Bill Hughes by this weekend. In each column I review three films. Okay, I've had three months to do this but, so far, I only have one film done. Why you ask. It's not that I haven't been watching any movies because I have. Let's see: Saw III, Stay Alive, Feast, Rest Stop, 24 (Season 5), and Salvage to name a few.

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My problem lies in that I don't "love" or "hate" any of the movies I've seen lately. In past columns, I've written about The Descent, A History of Violence, and Red Eye. All of which I recommend. I've written about The Hills Have Eyes, Wolf Creek, and House of Wax (the Paris Hilton version). All of which sucked. Big time.

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What to do ... what to do? I don't think a review of Wild Hogs would fit the theme of the magazine (althought William C. Macy's naked butt is pretty scary.) Well, tomorrow, Children of Men and Turistas are being released on DVD. Blockbuster, here I come.

BASEBALL MOVIES

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Keith Demko's blog Reel Fanatic (http://reelfanatic.blogspot.com/) has an interesting entry on baseball and the movies. Check it out. "Tis the season.

THE NEW MILLIONAIRES
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There's an interesting article on MSNBC about how a million dollars doesn't go as far as it used to and the new millionaires could be your next-door neighbor (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17706852/). First, wining about your net worth being a million is not falling on sympathetic ears. Second, I wanna join the club!

GRAVEYARD SHIFT AT ER
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Woke up at 4AM. Showered and dressed. Put a few dry crunchies in the cat’s bowl. Made my lunch. Jumped on the 91 and drove to the 15 to work in the dark. Some of the flu symptoms from the week before still linger.

Twelve plus hours later, I’m back on the 15 to the 91 and home. A few chores. No writing tonight. A little dinner. Watched Unforgiven with Eastwood, Hackman, and Freeman. Cleaned up a little. Got ready for bed. It’s about ten or so.

Then.

I’ve stripped to my boxers and I head into the bathroom to get the sweats I sleep in. Try not to look at my pot-belly in the mirror which just reminds me I need to hit the gym more often than once a week. Only I look. And come to a complete stop.

On my left side, above my hip, is an ugly foot-long, three-inch-wide bruise.

I stare. Did I run into anything today? No. Did I pick anything heavy up? No. How did I do this? No idea. I touch the bruise. It doesn’t hurt but it sure is ugly. I climb into my sweats. I work the night shift the next day so I’ll call the doctor first thing in the morning. That’s my plan. I set the alarm, climb into bed, and turn off the light. Cat curls up beside my leg. I lay there. Thinking. What would cause a bruise like that? Have I ruptured some organ? Will I wake up dead in the morning? Shit. Light back on. Get dressed in my old Levis (if I croak I want to go in my jeans). Make sure I have my insurance card. Out to the car. Drive to the Loma Linda ER.

The ER is packed. I go to the desk. Explain to the reception nurse my dilemma. Sign in. The time is 11:55PM. I find a chair. A ceiling-high TV is on in the corner. I notice two things after a short while. Number One: No one looks cool and hip in an ER waiting room. Everybody, even those not sick look like hell. Number Two: Everyone has someone with them. Except two people. One is a guy who looks like he flunked rehab and that he models for jack-o-lantern carvings. The other one is me.

Suddenly I’m feeling very alone and sorry for himself. We all have it coming, I hear Eastwood say in my head. I pull out my cell. Who do you call after midnight? My nephew lives fifty miles and one county away. My good friends, Kent and Jenny, must be sound asleep. My uncle is in the next state. I just wait. The desk nurse calls my name. She takes my temp and blood pressure. Temp okay but b.p. is 194/119. Nurse shakes her head. Not good. I go back to the waiting area.

Am I having stroke here? Physically I don’t feel any pain and weird side effects. I dial my cell phone. Who do I call? My ex. She only lives 2000 miles and two time zones away. Annie is awake. (I find out later that she actually was awake – she couldn’t sleep.) I tell her where I am and what’s happening. We talk for two hours.

Slowly the ER begins to empty out. A lot of names are called and a lot don’t answer. I guess they’ve given up and gone elsewhere. One woman and one man keep going up to the reception desk. I hear the nurse, patiently each time, tell them that she can’t give them a time when they’ll get in. The police arrive with a kid in handcuffs. The kid is the neatest person at the ER. Without the handcuffs, he’d stand out in this crowd. Clean, nice clothes and well-groomed. Doesn’t appear that anything wrong with him. But something must be.

My name is called. I tell Annie I’ll call her back. I don’t go into the ER. I go see the ER nurse who takes my vitals again and has me repeat the bruise story. My b.p. is still in the stratosphere. I go back to the waiting room. Call Annie back.

Two more hours. My cell is dying. I’m down to one bar. I tell Annie I’ll call back as soon as I see the ER doctor. Two more hours. The jack-o-lantern man has been released but comes back. He asks for a specific ER nurse. The nurse comes out. Jack tells the nurse that he doesn’t have the one-dollar-twenty-five-cents he needs for the bus. The nurse inhales deeply. I could hear him across the room. It is one pissed-off sound. The nurse doesn’t call the cops who are nearby, he doesn’t call security. He takes a dollar-and-a-quarter from his pocket and gives it to Jack. Jack thanks him and leaves.

I start pacing. I go outside. A hospital security guard is out there smoking a cigarette. I’m trying to quit but I sneak a couple drags off a cigarette I have in the car. Really stupid but I did it anyway. I ask the guard if it’s always like this. He tells me no. In fact, this is the first time they’ve been given orders to refer people elsewhere. It appears the hospital is full (Loma Linda is one of the biggest in the Inland Empire.) That’s why ER is so slow. The patients being admitted have no rooms to be taken to. ER has gone into a holding pattern. Wonderful.

Sunlight is touching the horizon. It’s now 6AM. I call my work and tell my assistant to email our boss. I don’t know if I’ll be in that night. My name is finally called. Nurse Michael takes me to a bed. I strip into a gown. Boxers and socks remain on. Michael hooks me to several machines. I tell my story again. He says the doctor will be there shortly. I wait. Michael and another nurse arrive. They need this spot for someone the ambulance is bringing in. I’m rolled to another spot.

Nurse Abraham hooks me up to several machines. I tell my story again. Then I wait. And I wait. I decide against all rules to call Annie and update her. My cell doesn’t work. I’m beside a stainless steel wall and all I get on my phone is “No signal.” So I wait.

I hear the phone ring at the desk nearby. Nurse Abraham walks toward me with the phone cord stretched as far as it will go. “It’s your wife Annie,” he says. She was worried not hearing from me and went through the hospital switchboard and only-God-knows how many operators to track me down. I explain my cell won’t work where I’m at and I haven’t seen the doctor yet. The phone cord is stretched across an aisle and people are ducking under it to get by. Abraham motions at me. I tell Annie I’ll call as soon as I see the doctor. She says I’d better.

The doctor arrives. Examines the bruise. I tell my story again. I repeat that it doesn’t hurt. Doctor leaves. I wait. Doctor returns with ultra-sound. All my body parts are where they are supposed to be and none have exploded. In fact, he says my spleen looks great. Do most people’s spleens not look great? I was confused. Doctor says he’ll be back. I wait. Doctor returns with older doctor. Older doctor examines bruise. I tell my story. He asks about my flu I had the week before. I tell him. He nods. He explains to the other doctor and me that during one of my coughing attacks I ruptured a blood vessel in my side. It took five days to filter down my side to my hip and to the surface. It will get bigger and uglier in the next day or so then fade away. If it begins to hurt, I’m supposed to go immediately to my regular doctor or come back to the ER.

I am relieved. I am also released. No hospital for me.

Almost over. I’m waiting for the release papers and to be unhooked from the machine. I hear the doctor telling someone about me. Then the doctor reappears with another doctor. Loma Linda is a teaching hospital. He wants to show this intern my bruise. Okay, now I’m a school lesson. I let him.

8AM. Eight hours after arriving, I’m back at my car. I call Annie. I apologize for keeping her up all night. She scolds me like a little kid. Informs me that I’d better call her on nights like this. Okay, her response was a little more colorful than that. Patton would’ve enjoyed it. She makes me promise to call her that night after I get off work. I promise, and I do it.

I drive back to the house and the cat.

And, yes, after a three-hour nap I went to work. I’m the GM at my location and that’s what GMs do.

*

Here’s my prayer lately: Please, God, no more adventures for a while. I need a week of boring and humdrum. Please.

GLOBAL WARMING

*

I saw this on the Daily Nooz site (http://dailynooz.blogspot.com/). Thought it was funny so I stole it. :)

TOP TEN FAVORITE MOVIE ENDINGS
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It is said that the beginning of a screenplay sells the script but the ending sells the movie I’m working on a new script with my screenplay partner. It’s a thriller with a mystery. I think we’ve got a pretty good opening gambit. Here’s the tough part (okay they’re all tough) – a logical but surprising ending. I’ve been looking at several movies lately (it’s easier than writing). A lot of movies have solid conclusions (Chinatown, The Quiet Man, The Wild Bunch, Batman Begins) but some have an extra kick at the end that makes them more than memorable. The ending of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest has a kick that most of the movie is missing. Anyway, here’s my list of great movie endings.

Casablanca
Cool Hand Luke
Field of Dreams
The Godfather
Planet of the Apes (the original movie)
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Shane
The Sixth Sense
Some Like It Hot
Soylent Green

Still sick. Still grumpy and pessimistic.

Have a nice day.

Back from my GM convention. Had the flu the entire time. Slowly getting better. Wanted to share (my misery not the flu).

The X-Files

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Mulder: How many times have we been here before? So close to the truth.

*

I ended up watching the X-Files movie last night. I really miss this show. It would be close to the top of my favorite TV series of all time. (Up there with Cheers, The Dick Van Dyke Show, The Twilight Zone, and Deadwood.) Even when it was dorky, it was cool. Guess I'm going to have to rent (or buy) the series and watch again starting with Season One.

WHATEVER EVER HAPPENED TO … ?
*

Jackie Earle Haley was nominated for Oscar’s Best Supporting Actor in Little Children. I remember him from Bad News Bears and Breakin’ Away. Sometimes it seems that actors just seem to fall off the planet. One minute they’re everywhere then they’re nowhere. I went a little while back to see Night at the Museum and up popped Mickey Rooney. I would’ve bet money that he was stuffed and in a real museum somewhere. Started thinking of other actors and wondered what happened.

Do you remember…?

Gillian Anderson (Agent Dana Scully in The X-Files)
Phoebe Cates (Fast Times at Ridgemont High)
Pam Dawber (Mindy from Mork & Mindy)
Joyce DeWitt (Janet in Three’s Company)
Louis Gossett Jr. (An Officer and a Gentleman)
Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker in the first Stars Wars trilogy)
Ralph Macchio (The Karate Kid)
Pamela Sue Martin (Nancy Drew in The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries)
Mitch Pileggi (Assistant Director Walter Skinner in The X-Files)
Katherine Ross (The Graduate, Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid)
Deborah Shelton (Mandy Winger in Dallas)
William Smith (Falconetti in Rich Man, Poor Man)
Richard Thomas (John-Boy in The Waltons)
Debra Winger (An Officer and a Gentleman, Terms of Endearment)
Henry Winkler (The Fonz in Happy Days)

This list is long enough. Fifteen minutes, I guess, is true.

FLAGS OF OUR FATHERS
*

My father was sixteen when he enlisted, with my grandfather’s permission, in the Navy during World War Two. Dad rarely talked about his military service. I never heard why a young man raised in Kansas and the flatlands of Texas chose the Navy, or how he felt about having his ship sunk by a suicide pilot off the coast of Okinawa and being one of the few survivors. I do remember that the fire in the water burned his eyes and he didn’t tell the doctors because the survivors were being shipped to San Diego and, if he’d said something, they would have sent him to the hospital at Pearl instead.

When Clint Eastwood announced his next films would be about the World War II battle in Iwo Jima I was intrigued. Hundreds, if not thousands, of movies have been made about the Second World War. Most have been about the European campaign. Only a few have been about the war in the South Pacific. (The Bridge on the River Kwai, Mister Roberts, Sands of Iwo Jima, Tora!Tora!Tora!, Midway, The Great Raid, Pearl Harbor)

Flags of Our Fathers is the first of the two movies released. The hook is one of the most famous photographs, if not the most famous, taken during the war – the servicemen raising the flag on Mount Suribachi and what happened to the men who raised the flag.

The movie is actually two films book-ended by a son’s search to discover what his father did during the war. (Because his father rarely talked about it.) The story about the battle and the men who fought it is gripping, bloody, and extremely well done. The story about the three survivors of the photograph back home is repetitive and the message driven in with a sledgehammer. I got it the first time – two of the men did not want to be there, didn’t consider themselves heroes in any way, shape, or form, and disliked posing on papier-mâché mountains to sell war bonds. The back-home story could’ve been done in one segment (the one at Soldier Field stadium) and conveyed the message easily. The acting is top-notch. Berry Pepper (Saving Private Ryan) and Adam Beach (Windtalkers) were the stand-outs for me but all did terrific. One back-home scene that really stood out for me was when, after the war, Ira Hayes (Beach) walks from the Indian reservation where he lives in Arizona to Texas. He goes to tell the father of one of his fallen comrades that it is his son in the photograph not the also fallen serviceman who was named by the military and press.

If I gave out stars, the Iwo Jima section would get four out of four stars. The back-home section would get one.

METERED SPACE
by
M.D. Benoit

Metered Space is a fast-paced novel that is a hybrid of private detective noir and funky alien sci-fi.

Jack Meter is our hero. He’s a private investigator or, more correctly as the story begins, he used to be. Two years before, Jack’s physicist girlfriend Annie was killed in a mysterious lab explosion at her high-security government facility. As Jack puts it, “The night Annie died I lost it … spent six months in a pysch ward … Screaming. Totally nuts. When I clamed down enough, they released me … Wandered for a while … I don’t remember much of those days. Except that, anywhere I went, she was still dead.” Jack’s plan is to use the bottle to keep himself numb until he steps permanently into the abyss.

Then…

Jack wakes one day to find himself on an alien planet. The Thrittene have transported him there and repaired the damage he’d done to his body. They want to “hire” him to find a stolen transporter. Jack is forced to accept. Soon he finds himself on other alien planets and discovers that the missing transporter could destroy the universe. He also learns that Annie had traveled to these same worlds before her death and the theft of the transporter may involve people he knows back on Earth.

M.D. Benoit has a light touch and keeps the story moving at a brisk piece. For those who like mysteries and science fiction this first novel is a very enjoyable read by an up-and-coming writer.

The novel is available through Zumaya Publications and Amazon.

THE OSCARS

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Yes, it was too long. Categories like Doc Short Subject, Live Action Short Film and Animated Short Film can be given out the night before like they do with some other awards. The silhouette guys were okay once but c'mon. Anyway, below is my score. (Oh, yeah, there were a lot of women in the group I was watching with and fashions were a major topic. So, above are the ones I liked.)

*

BEST PICTURE: WRONG (it was The Departed)

BEST ACTRESS: Helen Mirren, The Queen RIGHT

BEST ACTOR: Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland RIGHT
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls RIGHT
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Alan Arkin, Little Miss Sunshine RIGHT
BEST DIRECTOR: Martin Scorsese, The Departed RIGHT
BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM: WRONG (it was some German film...I think)
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Little Miss Sunshine RIGHT
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: The Departed RIGHT
ANIMATED FEATURE: WRONG (it was Happy Feet)

Not too shabby. I won the prize last night for most correct picks.

*

Yea, Mr. Scorsese. About time. Will somebody trim his eyebrows for him?

MY OSCAR PIX

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Like I said I haven't seen most of the nominated films but I'm going to guess anyway. Why, you ask. Cause I'm in two Oscar pools and I like winning.

My picks:

*

BEST PICTURE: Babel (big global drama with a message -- kind of movie the Academy likes. See Crash from last year)

BEST ACTRESS: Helen Mirren, The Queen (anyone else will be a major upset)

BEST ACTOR: Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland (he's won every other acting award)

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls (again this is pretty much a sure thing)

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Alan Arkin, Little Miss Sunshine (this will be for his whole body of work but Gumby from SNL could snatch it away)

BEST DIRECTOR: Martin Scorsese, The Departed (if he doesn't win then that will be tomorrow's headline about the Awards)

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM: Pan's Labyrith (this one should've been in the Best Pic category)

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Little Miss Sunshine

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: The Departed

ANIMATED FEATURE: Cars (my guilty pleasure)

*

Tomorrow we'll know how good I did.

OSCARS ARE COMING

*

Okay, I’m an Oscar junkie. Although it’s like eating popcorn, totally enjoyable at the time but forgotten the next day. Trivia: In 1944, the list of nominated films for Best Picture went from ten to five.

*

The following films from AFI’s Top 100 American Films of All-Time did not win Best Picture. In fact they were not even nominated.

Singin’ in the Rain (1952)
Rear Window (1954)
North by Northwest (1959)
Some Like It Hot (1959)
Psycho (1960)
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
The Wild Bunch (1969)
Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)

*

The worst Best Picture Winners in my little opinion are:

Crash (2005) Still can’t get myself to watch this film
American Beauty (1999) Navel fluff
The English Patient (1996) Can’t fall asleep and don’t want to take a pill then watch this
Driving Miss Daisy (1989) B-O-R-I-N-G. Period.
Chariots of Fire (1981) I think I saw this. Forgettable if I did.
The Deer Hunter (1978) Over-rated b.s.

*

How many films nominated for any award this Sunday have I seen? Not many. Although I will see The Prestige, Blood Diamond, Children of Men, Pan’s Labyrinth, Notes on a Scandal, Dreamgirls, An Inconvenient Truth, and Letters from Iwo Jima at some point. Maybe Babel. Maybe. I did see:

Cars
The Departed
The Devil Wears Prada
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
Poseidon
United 93

My favorite movie last year was Casino Royale. (And don’t tell anyone … I really liked Cars, too.)

WORDS FOR WRITERS

*

Check out Cliche Finder (http://www.westegg.com/cliche/). Type in a word and see how many "cliches" pop up. Fun stuff.

*

Thanks to my buddy, Mark, for this link. I need to start writing again so I'm starting with this simple blog.

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."

from

The Lord of the Rings:

The Fellowship of the Ring

LILLIAN STIRES-NEWMAN
1934 – 2007
*

My mother passed away in her sleep last Thursday. She was seventy-two.

Mabel Lillian Davis was born in Fayetteville, Arkansas. Her parents were Ben C. Davis and Bertha Joan (Hall) Davis. She had two older sisters (Mildred Lee {Millie} and Martha Leone {Toni}), one brother (Herbert Ray), and one younger sister (Margaret Louise {Lou}).

She preferred being called Lillian. She hated the name Mabel and in later life stopped using it all together. Her family nickname was Dickie. I have no idea how she got the nickname. Once I heard that her sister Millie gave it to her but I never heard why.

Mom was married twice. First, to my father Norman Stires Jr. (Dad died at the age of 42 from a massive heart attack.) Then to Gary Robert Newman. (Gary passed away four years ago from congestive heart failure.) While family members have always told me that my Dad was the love of my mother’s life, I can say firsthand that Mom and Gary had a wonderful marriage and always took good care of each other.

An aside: Several months ago, Mom told me that she was worried about when she got to Heaven. She knew, without doubt, that my Dad would be the first person she saw. That would be absolutely wonderful but she was worried about it, too. I asked her why. She said she didn’t know how she was going to explain to Norm who Gary was.

My mother and father had two children -- my younger brother Hugh Timothy and me. (Tim was killed by a drunk driver in 1985.)

She had one grandson (Tim’s son) Brian Timothy.

*
Rest in Peace, Mom.

LIFE

*

I going to have to take a leave-of-absence from life for a while. My 72-year-old mother fell and broke her hip on January 5th. There have been several complications since she entered the hospital and I am the only family member left to take care of her. Between work and the hospital I hadn't had time for much else.

I some point I will describe my feelings currently about "just living" and "having quality in life." Too heavy for the moment.

ONE MORE

SOME COOL POSTERS

Check more out at: http://www.allowe.com/Humor/DemotivationalPosters.htm

Happy New Year to All! May 2007 be the best of times.

A Brief Summary of 2006

A quiet 12 months overall on the writing gig but not without its moments. I received my 86th fiction acceptance for a reprint of a flash fantasy by Bewildering Tales. Also received my 410th short fiction rejection. Personal obligations kept rising up and I had to devote a lot time to resolving them. Well, the ones that I could. Some continue on. Such is life. Anyway, my New Year’s resolution is to write more new stories, articles, screenplays, and start a novel. Yeah, just a “little” resolution.

Recap 2006:

My novella, To the Mountain of the Beast, was released by Carnifex Press.

Eight short stories were published. One was published in Finland, another in the Netherlands.

I began my movie review column for the quarterly ezine Dred and I had two more film reviews appear in Bewildering Tales.

My horror screenplay, Chill, made the quarterfinals (top 10 per cent) of the Scriptapalooza contest but didn’t go any further.

The production company did not renew the option on The Nest that I wrote with Mark Sevi. We completed two new screenplays and began a dozen more that never went beyond ten pages.

I did an interview on writing horror for the Voices in the Dark newsletter. VitD also reprinted my nonfiction article, “The Character Moment.”

Hmm ... I accomplished a little more than I thought.