E.W. & Britney -- Oh, the Horror
and THE RANT
*

I opened my mailbox and there was my weekly issue of EW. I nearly screamed.

*

Okay, here goes. My rant: I want to know about the latest movie releases, television shows, and books. Occasionally I even read about the latest music releases. I enjoy Stephen King's musings. I don't give a damn about what Britney, Lindsay, Paris, and Nicole are up to and I hate the fact that I know who they are. I don't care that Tom Cruise and John Travolta are members of Scientology (however you spell it); O'Donnell left The View; and Brad and Angelina are whatever this week. I don't want to read, see, or hear about this crap. I don't want to see it on the evening news or heard about it on my car's news radio station. But it seems I can't get away from it. So I guess I need to go with the flow.

*

Did ya hear ... Britney Spears got irritated at a paparazzi who wasn't taking her picture and threw a copy of The Inheritance by Christopher Stires at the man. She wasn't wearing underwear at the time.

*

Lindsay Lohan claimed she was only at the after-hours night club to pick up a copy of Rebel Nation by Christopher Stires from her rehab buddy. She wasn't wearing underwear at the time.

*

Paris Hilton saw a copy of To the Mountain of the Beast by Christopher Stires on a coffee table and tried to put in the DVD player. She wasn't wearing underwear at the time.

*

Christopher Stires was penalized for unsportsman-like conduct and whiney behavior. He wasn't wearing underwear at the time and his Levis were chafing him.

*

All done now. The soapbox is passed.