SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION

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My article, "Firsts in Television," is up on the Bewildering Stories web-site (http://www.bewilderingstories.com/issue259/tv_firsts.html). It's a short article on the first time different events occurred in television broadcasting ranging from the first "live" broadcast of a news event (a fire in New York City in 1938) to the first viewer interactive broadcast (CSI: Crime Scene Investigation in 2001). Check it out. It's fun.

HALLOWEEN POLL

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I decided to try something new. In honor of Halloween, I've posted a poll to ask what is the best scary movie of this decade. I selected the choices from a variety of sources. Basically it came down to my choices. I haven't seen all the films listed. Yet.

ANOTHER WESTERN MARATHON

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I watched more western movies again this week. The marathon came to a peak today when I went to the theatre and saw the new 3:10 to Yuma with Russell Crowe and Christian Bale. A good western but not great. The ending, although different from the original, doesn't work. The original has problems with its ending, too. Crowe and Bale given solid, believable performances but the two stand-outs for me were Ben Foster as Charlie Prince and Alan Tudyk as Doc Potter.

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The other westerns I watched this week were John Ford's Rio Grande starring John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara; Sam Peckinpah's masterpiece The Wild Bunch with William Holden and Robert Ryan and Ride the High Country with Randolph Scott and Joel McCrea; and Seven Men from Now starring Scott and a young Lee Marvin.

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Good movies. Ride the High Country has one of my favorite movies lines in it. When asked what he wants, ex-lawman Steve Judd (McCrea) replies, "All I want is to enter my house justified."

WESTERN DVD WISH LIST

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Several westerns that I recall from my childhood and junior-high days have stayed with me. A couple I've seen recently on the Westerns Encore Channel and TCM, but most are only memories in my mind’s eye. The following list is ten westerns that aren’t available on DVD and I wish they were. I know I’d probably be disappointed in at least a couple but I’d probably end up buying them anyway.

In chronological order:

WESTWARD THE WOMEN (1952)
Robert Taylor (Quo Vadis, Ivanhoe) guides a wagon train of mail-order brides to California. A rare western where the female characters aren’t schoolmarms or saloon girls (as they used to say in the Hayes Code era). Plus Taylor’s sidekick buddy is Japanese. This film seems ripe for a remake. Calling Tom Selleck and Sam Elliott.

THE LAST COMMAND (1955)
Sterling Hayden (The Asphalt Jungle, The Godfather) plays Jim Bowie during his final days before and up to the Alamo. Ernest Borgnine (The Wild Bunch, Marty) plays Bowie’s adversary then buddy in one of the actor’s early roles. A lean, tight climax with the fall of the Alamo.

THE TALL T (1957)
The second film, in a loose series, starring Randolph Scott (Ride the High Country) and directed by Budd Boetticher. Scott and a wealthy woman are held for ransom by a trio of bad guys led by the always-terrific Richard Boone (TV’s Have Gun, Will Travel). A very lean, no frills movie.

FORT DOBBS (1958)
The first movie starring TV’s Clint Walker (Cheyenne). An old-school Indians-on-the-warpath storyline. A very cool supporting role by Brian Keith (The Parent Trap, TV’s Family Affair).

RIDE LONESOME (1959)
Another in the series by Scott and Boetticher. This one has Pernell Roberts (TV’s Bonanza) and Lee Van Cleef (The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly) in it. And the first role for an actor named James Coburn (The Magnificent Seven, Affliction).

YELLOWSTONE KELLY (1959)
Clint Walker again. Here he plays a mountain man who becomes involved in another Indians-on-the-warpath storyline. Walker is surrounded by every contract player at Warner Brothers in the late 1950’s. As a kid, I remember really liking this movie. One of the small parts is played by the great character actor Warren Oates (The Wild Bunch, Stripes).

HEAVEN WITH A GUN (1969)
Glenn Ford (3:10 to Yuma, Superman) plays a gunfighter turned preacher in a lawless town. David Carradine (Kill Bill, TV’s Kung Fu) is one of the bad guys and Barbara Hershey (Hoosiers, Beaches) has one of her first roles. This one I’m afraid is probably a stinker.

HANNIE CAULDER (1971)
This movie shouldn’t be on any list. One look at the picture at the top of the blog should explain why. Raquel Welch (The Three Musketeers, Legally Blonde) becomes a gunfighter to track down the three brothers who murdered her husband and raped her. She spends the first half of the film wearing only a poncho and the second half wearing skin-tight leather pants and the beloved poncho. The brothers are played in a demented Three Stooges style by Ernest Borgnine and two great character actors Strother Martin (Cool Hand Luke, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid) and Jack Elam (Support Your Local Sheriff, Once Upon a Time in the West). Robert Culp (TV’s I Spy) and Christopher Lee (Lord of the Rings, Star Wars) are also in the cast but you’d swear they were in a different (and better) movie. Whoa, I remember more about this one than I thought.

CENTENNIAL (1978)
This is a 21 hour mini-series for television. It spanned 200 years around a town in Colorado. It starred just about every dramatic TV actor of the day. Robert Conrad (The Wild Wild West), Richard Chamberlain (who did about a 100 TV mini-series), David Janssen (The Fugitive), Dennis Weaver (Gunsmoke, McCloud), Robert Vaughn (The Man from U.N.C.L.E.) and dozens more. But this series, based on the James Michener novel, was very well done. Solid entertainment.

Maybe Centennial makes up for Hannie Caulder. Nope, pilgrim, it don't.

3:10 to Yuma - Trailer

TOP BOX OFFICE 2007
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According to Box Office Mojo, these are the top grossing movies so far in the good ol’ USA. (The Lindsay Lohan thriller I Know Who Killed Me is #100 – IMBd voters gave it 3.7 out of 10.)

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1) Spider-Man 3
2) Shrek the Third
3) Transformers
4) Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
5) Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
6) 300
7) Ratatouille
8) The Bourne Ultimatum
9) The Simpsons Movie
10) Wild Hogs

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I’ve seen two so far. Wild Hogs in the theatre and 300 on DVD. In the top 100, I’ve also seen Distrubia, 1408, Shooter, and The Lives of Others. Not very current, am I? Most of the films I see anymore are on DVD and cable. I do want to see Stardust and the up-coming 3:10 to Yuma.

BEWILDERING STORIES

TOP TEN MOVIES IN OUTER SPACE

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Shameless plug: My article, The Top Ten Movies in Outer Space, is currently on the Bewildering Stories web-site. Check it out: http://www.bewilderingstories.com/issue257/outer_space.html

DEATH AND THE CREDIT CARD COMPANY

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I received this story in the mail the other day from a friend. Oh, God, did I relate to this. So I decided to share:

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A lady died this past January, and credit card company billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge.
The balance had been $0.00, now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to card company.

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Here is the exchange:

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Family Member: "I am calling to tell you she died in January."
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Associate: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
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Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."

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Associate: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."

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Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

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Associate: "Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"

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Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

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Associate: "Excuse me?"

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Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?"

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Associate: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."
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Supervisor comes on line.

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Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

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Supervisor: "The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply."

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Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

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Supervisor: "Are you her lawyer?"

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Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given)

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Supervisor: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

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Family Member: "Sure." (Fax number is given)

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After they get the fax:
Supervisor: "Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."

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Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."

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Supervisor: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."

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Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"

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Supervisor: "That might help."

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Family Member: " Odessa Memorial Cemetery ,Highway 129, Plot Number 69."

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Supervisor: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

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Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?

TOM SELLECK WESTERNS

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Selleck has only made six westerns. In another era in Hollywood (when westerns were made on a regular basis), his starring roles as a westerner would be three or four times that total. Selleck is one of the few working actors who appears right-at-home in this genre.

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The six by release date (latest to oldest) are:

Monte Walsh (2003)

Crossfire Trail (2001)

Last Stand at Saber River (1997)

Quigley Down Under (1990)

The Shadow Riders (1982)

The Sacketts (1979)

The highest rated on IMBd is Quigley. My favorite is Crossfire Trail.

Deadwood

the opening credits

The Magnificent Seven

This is one of my favorite westerns and one of my favorite movie themes (I'm finally figuring out how to add videos to the blog) :)

BURT LANCASTER WESTERNS

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During my recent western movie marathon, I rediscovered Burt Lancaster. Solid actor with definite screen prescence. He would be on my list of favorite male actors. He starred in many great films -- such as From Here to Eternity, Elmer Gantry, The Birdman of Alcatraz, and Field of Dreams.

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Listed below are his top ten westerns as rated on IMBd:

1) Gunfight at O.K. Corral (1957)

2) The Professionals (1966)

3) Vera Cruz (1954)

4) The Unforgiven (1960)

5) The Hallelujah Trail (1965)

6) Ulzana's Raid (1972)

7) Apache (1954)

8) Lawman (1971)

9) Valdez is Coming (1971)

10) The Sclaphunters (1968)

JAMES STEWART WESTERNS

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Jimmy Stewart has made some great movies -- such as Rear Window, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, and The Philadelphia Story -- but I'm partial to his westerns.

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Listed below are his top rated western movies according to IMBd.

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1) The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962)

2) The Shootist (1976)

3) How the West was Won (1962)

4) Winchester '73 (1950)

5) Destry Rides Again (1939)

6) The Naked Spur (1953)

7) Shenandoah (1965)

8) The Man from Laramie (1955)

9) Bend of the River (1952)

10) The Far Country (1954)

A FAVORITE WESTERN MOVIE QUOTE

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"This is the west, sir. When the legend becomes fact, print the legend. "

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from The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962)

Directed by John Ford

Starring John Wayne, James Stewart,

and Lee Marvin as Valance

WESTERN MOVIE MARATHON

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I just discovered a new blog called Saddlebums WesternReview (http://saddlebums.blogspot.com/) which talks about western novels and movies. There's a terific interview with author Brian Garfield. Check it out.

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Meanwhile I've been having a western marathon around here. Not long ago I talked about The Outlaw Josey Wales being my favorite Eastwood western. Below are a few of the other "cowboy" movies I've been watching.

THE GARAGE DOOR

and other joys of home ownership

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A few months ago, I inherited a house. It's 30 years-old and in pretty good condition. (There's still a mortgage on it so I didn't get it free.) I've never owned my own home before. Always been a renter. Now I'm not. There's something cool about owning the place you live in. You can fix it up the way you want it and lenders suddenly "love" you. On the other hand, when something breaks or just wears out I want to call the landlord and have him/her repair it. I guess I could call my land line on my cell and leave a message for myself. Anyway, today I had a brand-new garage door installed. Looks like the one pictured except mine is dark brown in color. Felt good when I saw it done and the installer drove off with the old dilapidated one. Another home repair off the list. Yes, new garage door installed, front sprinklers replaced, wallpaper removed from master bedroom, master bedroom painted, guest room and guest bath done. Next is to finishing cleaning out the garage so I can park my car in the garage with the new door. Almost there. Then the carpets should be replaced and the front awning and its brick patio (is it still called a patio if it's in the front of the house?), and get grass to grow in that one pesky section of the backyard -- needs a backyard barbecue, too, and a hot tub for midnight skinny-dipping (need to find someone to skinny-dip with, too) and ... and ... and ...

HOLLYWOOD URBAN LEGENDS

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I've always enjoyed these stories and wondered how they got started in the first place. Anyway, over at JoBlo.com (http://www.joblo.com/index.php?id=16946) they've listed the Top Ten Most Enduring (I guess) urban legends from Hollywood. Stuff like sexual images in Disney cartoons, that the actors in The Blair Witch Project are still missing, that Brandon Lee's accidential death in The Crow was filmed and is shown in the released film, and in the background of the Yellow Brick Road scene in The Wizard of Oz a midget (or is it "little person" to be P.C.?) is seen hanging himself. I read one, however, that I'd never heard before. Jamie Lee Curtis was born with both sets of sexual organs. Huh? Oh-kay. I guess the only thing to say about that is to repeat the closing line from Some Like It Hot (which starred Jamie Lee's papa.)"Nobody's perfect."

ACTION MOVIE CLICHES

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Check out the article at MovieFone (http://movies.aol.com/worst-movie-cliches/action) about the worst and most-overused cliches in action movies. It's fun.

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Three of my favorites are: 1) when the hero dashes across an open field and the bad guys can't hit him when firing about a 100 rounds at him 2) when every blow to the head of a bad guy (usually a guard) knocks him instantly out -- just once I'd to see the bad guy grab the back of his head and start screaming in pain 3) when a group of bad guys jump the hero to beat him up and attack one-at-a-time -- that must be in the Bad Guy Etiquette Handbook.

EASTWOOD & WESTERNS
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I’m working on a new project. Part of the research has been watching westerns. (I know, a tough job but it has to be done.) Among current actors Tom Selleck, Sam Elliott, Robert Duvall, and Kevin Costner all do well in the genre. Heck, these men probably were cowboys in their past lives. The superstar among the still-making-movies group, however, is Eastwood. He cut his acting teeth as Rowdy Yates on the 50’s TV series Rawhide. He also made a few unremembered westerns in his youth as well as films like Francis (the Talking Mule) Joins the Navy. But Eastwood’s career took a giant leap in the mid-Sixties. He went to Italy and made a low-budget western with a guy named Sergio Leone called A Fistful of Dollars. Since then he’s been in nine more westerns and one of them won the Best Picture and Best Director Oscars. Here’s the list (The Beguiled, Paint Your Wagon and Coogan’s Bluff are not westerns really … two of them may take place in the general historical time period but they are not part of the genre. TB is a Civil War moody something and PYW is a bad musical. CB is a modern day western with a cowboy-goes-to-the-city scenario that is better in idea than in execution. The film just doesn’t hold up after all this time .)

Anyway, here’s the Eastwood western list:

A Fistful of Dollars
For a Few Dollars More
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Hang ‘em High
Two Mules for Sister Sara
Joe Kidd
High Plains Drifter
The Outlaw Josey Wales
Pale Rider
Unforgiven


Unforgiven won the awards and may be Eastwood’s last word on the genre (I hope not but then I hope they'll continue Deadwood, too, over at HBO). The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly holds the Number One spot on the IMDb viewers best western list. For me, The Outlaw Josey Wales is my favorite Eastwood western. Even with Sondra Locke in it, the movie is just totally cool.

Josey Wales: When I get to likin' someone, they ain't around long.

Lone Watie (played by the great Chief Dan George): I notice when you get to DISlikin' someone they ain't around for long neither.

Josey Wales: Dyin' ain't much of a livin', boy.

Yep …

THE GREATEST SEX SCENES IN MOVIE HISTORY

PART 2

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I reviewed their list. 50 movies, 50 incredible sex scenes. Uhhh ... I hadn't seen most of the films listed. They were mainstream films by the way. Several I had seen but didn't recall them being especially memorable. On their list I only noted six (yeah, a measly half dozen) that I thought were unique and involving. Here's the six:

35. Network

Faye Dunaway and William Holden are doing the deed (as they used to say) and Dunaway talks about her job in TV programming the entire time.

24. The Cooler

When sad-guy loser William Macy makes love to Maria Bello its erotic and touching.

17. Body Heat

William Hurt throws the chair through the window and the passion explodes between him and Kathleen Turner. Oh, yeah.

10. Young Frankenstein

Never considered this movie erotic before. It's definitely one of the funniest films ever made. But, I guess, when Madeline Kahn submits to the lust of Peter Boyle's monster and goes from fear to orgasmic singing is erotic. Nah, it's just funny.

8. Secretary

The only movie I figured would be on the list and was. I'm not talking about this one.

2. A History of Violence

The IFC writers thought the angry sex on the stairs was the pivotal sex scene. I prefered the earlier one when Viggo Mortsensen and Maria Bello made "love" to each other after Maria seduced him by wearing her old cheerleader outfit. Sidebar: this was the only movie in my six where the lovers were also husband and wife.